Friday fun: Ken Ham says science is Satan’s ‘primary’ weapon in our day

Basically, cats are the devil, is what I'm saying.

It’s Friday, y’all. Hope you all had a great week. You’re almost to the promised land of weekendom, but first, let’s review.

Ham-brained theology

This week, we learned that the ark park that is “NOT BEING FUNDED BY TAX DOLLARS” is … being funded almost entirely by tax dollars, thanks to the magic of tax increment financing.

Of course, to Ham, the real news is that he held a press conference, in which he announced the opening day of his pet project (July 7), no doubt with an air of such giddy excitement that even Howard Dean was all like, “Hey, Ken, that’s a little much.”

He’s still crowing about the news on a post over at his blog, which has a couple other interesting points.

In the traditional style of Friday fun, my responses will be mostly in the form of animated GIFs.

Ham:

I truly believe that this project will be one of the greatest Christian evangelistic outreaches of our day.

Me:

DeanConfused

Also, this.

Ham:

Ever since Satan’s first attack in the Garden of Eden as written in Genesis 3:1 (“Did God really say . . . ?”), our adversary has been attacking the Word of God and working to shake the foundation of the Christian faith.

Me:

101

Fortunately, Satan wised up and stopped using talking animals to trick us all into not trusting God. That little display, while dramatic, really lost points in the subtlety department.

Speaking just for myself, when I encounter a talking serpent, my response tends to be less “thoughtfully consider doing what it suggests,” and more “run away screaming.”

Get ready; here comes the real gem.

Ham (with bold font for emphasis):

I believe that in our Western culture, we are seeing atheistic evolution and the idea of millions of years being the primary means that the adversary is using to undermine the authority of the Word of God, and to all ages.

Me:

giphy

Yeah. I can’t add anything to that. Other than, now I get why he likes Ben Carson so much.

Ham:

At Answers in Genesis and the coming Ark Encounter attraction, we want to equip Christians and non-Christians to understand that God’s Word is true, that Noah really did build a huge Ark, that the animals really could have fit on board, and that the global Flood really happened as an outpouring of God’s judgment on a wicked generation.

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Let’s take this point by point.

According to Ken Ham, his ridiculous vanity project will…

…“equip Christians and non-Christians to understand that God’s Word is true,”

First of all, to “equip” non-Christians, you have to get them to not only pay hard-earned money to be spoon-fed a worldview that in no way appeals to them, but also accept that view. Which, I’m sorry, but you guys don’t exactly have the best track record for convincing people who know what they’re talking about.

ark-encounter-wallpaper-lum

Secondly, and more importantly, building a $100 million boat-shaped building in rural Kentucky does not prove “that God’s Word is true.” It proves that you built a $100 million boat-shaped building in rural Kentucky. If I met a supervillain whose plan for global domination consisted of stealing the world’s supply of mylar balloons and holding it hostage, that would make more sense than this.

…“that Noah really did build a huge Ark,”

This might start to get a little repetitive, but the fact that a huge team of professionals hired by AiG can build a boat-shaped building using modern construction equipment and sophisticated engineering software does not prove that one 500-year-old man built a similarly sized seafaring vessel thousands of years ago using a wood hammer and a rock.

…“that the animals really could have fit on board,”

Yesterday, the Cincinnati Enquirer gave us a look at some of these “animals”:

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You may have noticed something different between them and the ones Noah used. That is, these ones are slightly smaller. Oh, also, they’re freaking not real animals.

I get that all of my points here are kind of self-evident, but you can’t prove millions of animals lived on a wooden ship for 8,880 straight hours by putting fake animals in a ship-shaped building. I feel insane for even having to point this stuff out.

…“and that the global Flood really happened as an outpouring of God’s judgment on a wicked generation.”

Aaarrgh! You know what? We’re done here. One more quote, and I’m out. Even I have limits.

At the same time, Noah’s Ark is also a picture of God’s mercy and salvation. God had Noah build an Ark of salvation—and those eight people who went through the one door were saved from the waters of the Flood. We want people to know that God has provided an Ark of salvation for us, too—the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the only door by which anyone can enter this Ark of salvation.

Well, what do you know? A perfectly acceptable presentation of the gospel, and it didn’t even cost $100 million or make you look like a nut job and a shyster to the entire world. Something to think about, Hammy.

Tyler Francke is founder of God of Evolution and author of Reoriented. He can be reached at tyler@godofevolution.com.

  • ashleyhr

    The Bible undermined by a fact (millions of years of time and much more in Earth’s past). Ken Ham CAN’T have that. Christians might learn something beyond theology …

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      “I know something about the sky and the earth. If you talk nonsense about something I DO know about, why should I believe you when you speak to me about something I don’t know about?”
      — St Augustine of Hippo (modern paraphrase), some 1600 years ago

      • I like that paraphrase!

        • this is Ken Ham’s knowledge of science he needs to rethink the Genesis Creation narrative and accept the dinosaur-human co-existence as a myth as it only happens in movies, literature and cartoons. 1 Peter 2:15 (TLV) can be applied to him, “For this is God’s will, that you silence the ignorance of foolish men by doing good.” Ken Ham with his Answers in Genesis store sells the King James Version as his followers tend to spout thee, thine, and thou when they call me a liar because I use modern versions. I became a Christian in a modern village, I needed a modern Bible — I embraced the modern era when I was a teenager. When approaching Ken Ham you need to ask if he really attended secular college classes before he became a science teacher. I drew the conclusion that YEC is a Baptist deal especially Independent Baptists. Ham follows the teachings of Henry M. Morris as does Jack T. Chick. You have to confront every Creation “Museum” and educate them about their cartoonish theology as you can borrow my term Flintstones Christianity to point out they are trying to push the dinosaur-human coexistence myth on more thoughtful Christians.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Internet Monk, five years ago:

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Looks like you can’t include links. So here’s the directions:

      Internet Monk, “The Disney-ization of Faith”, December 6, 2010.
      Category keywords: Creation Wars, Culture, Evangelical Issues, Fundamentalisms, NOT Recommended

      First mention of Ham’s Ark project, with one wild comment thread..

      Comment thread got so intense from Ham’s Fanboys they had to close comments early.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    You may have noticed something different between them and the ones Noah used. That is, these ones are slightly smaller. Oh, also, they’re freaking not real animals.

    Not only that, they’re NOT even present-day animals.
    I recognize that ungulate in the foreground.
    And those two small things look like a cross between reptile and Eohippus.
    Those are paleo-animals from the PLIESTOCENE.

    • Well, yeah. That, too. I think the little guy is supposed to be a young dinosaur.

      • Headless Unicorn Guy

        Doesn’t look like any dinosaur I ever heard of.
        The body form resembles a pig more than anything else, and the tail’s all wrong for a dino.

        • I’m looking at the thing in the bottom left corner. Are we talking about the same thing?

          • Seth

            Looks like one of the synapsids in an odd pose to me. Head, legs and tail look about right.

          • Yeah, I guess you’re right, now that I look at it again. …Is it just me or is it holding something in its right “hand”?

          • It’s a microphone. It’s an animatronic creature who walks around the ark singing, “Come and Get Your Love.”

          • Headless Unicorn Guy

            Should have used an actual dino if they wanted an animatronic lounge lizard.

          • Oh, cool. I bet a duet version of that would sound good!

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          Wait.
          Synapsids came before the dinosaurs.
          That ungulate came well after.
          “Flintstones!
          Meet the Flintstones!
          …”

    • Headless Unicorn Guy

      Oh, and why does Ham’s Ark have a ram bow and a hull form like an ancient merchant ship from the Eastern Meditteranean? Noah’s Ark had no need to maneuver, only float. A simple raft hull would do. And the word “ark” actually means “box”.

      • I’m wondering why a large part of its stern is made out of cinder blocks. I don’t the original had that…

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          Bible translation.
          If the Demon Locusts of Revelation can become Helicopter Gunships armed with Chemical Weapons and Piloted by Long Haired Bearded Hippies, Gopher Wood to Cinder Blocks is really not much of a stretch.

      • Alan Christensen

        It looks like almost every cartoon or toy Noah’s Ark I’ve ever seen. Like this PSA from the 1970s promoting carpooling (or, in Babylonian, “kalaka”): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1-2iXQTmU8

        • Headless Unicorn Guy

          The only thing in Ham’s design that makes sense is the tall aftercastle and sternpost. That would act as a weathervane to keep the hull bow-on to the winds and waves, which would ease the ride in heavy seas. What used to be called “lying a-hull” to ride out a bad storm. The last thing you want is to have the wind and waves on your beam — that’s begging to get rolled over.

  • ashleyhr

    It’s turned into ‘Black’ Friday, sadly.

  • Alan Christensen

    If Ham wants to (without tax dollars) actually build an ark and put to sea with tons of animals on board for over a year, that might “prove” that Noah could have done this. It would be the kind of proof through repeating the experiment that he insists “evolutionists” can’t do because evolution happened in the past.

    • The funny thing is, he’d be prosecuted for animal cruelty before the first rain drop landed. As it were.

      Noah’s ark is a beautiful metaphor for God’s salvation through Christ, and who knows? Some small version of it may have even happened. But to suggest millions of wild animals were literally imprisoned in a dark, damp, enclosed space for over a year — it’s just insane. I couldn’t imagine a more hellish scenario if I tried.

      Then to try and argue we’re not being faithful to the Bible by believing that^^^ nonsense isn’t the point of the story? Well, now you know why my therapist drives a nicer car than me.

  • ومجموع حدود هو الحد من المبالغ

    Love this article ! Ken Ham is funnier than any comedian I know.

    • Unintentional comedy is the best comedy.

      • ومجموع حدود هو الحد من المبالغ

        It certainly is. Here’s more comedy gold from Ken Ham – highlights of his second debate with Bill Nye @ the Ark Encounter. He’ll upload the whole thing soon on his channel but the highlights make it too good to wait lol.

  • The Mouse Avenger

    I mainly stick to the points I brought up on http://www.godofevolution.com/what-ken-hams-ark-encounter-money-could-buy-instead/#comment-6805 , but I otherwise agree with your post wholeheartedly. ^_^

  • Zachary Cooper

    This was a very well done article and it shows that they exactly what Jesus was against when he flipped tables at the temple and said they were making money off of his father’s name. It’s one thing if they’re using it for an actual good cause like donating to children in poverty. And since I’m relatively new to this blog, I’m just a little unclear on something, do believe Noah’s flood happened or that it was metaphorical.