Worst anti-evolution argument ever: The reprise

Horse feces. Photo by Peter van der Sluijs, via Wikimedia Commons.

Editor’s note: I’m very excited about today’s post. Long-time readers may recall an item a couple years back, in which I shared with you an unsolicited email that I believed, at the time, just may have contained the worst anti-evolution argument ever.

Which is saying a lot. Well, today I get to share with you another email from the same author.

The author — we’ll call him Walla Coil, after his email host — never acknowledged my previous response to his first message, nor does he seem to realize that he has contacted me before. But that’s OK.

Now, before I share this latest letter from Walla Coil, I encourage you to click over and reacquaint yourself with the original. You’ll notice some common threads, to be sure.

Like the Great Emancipator, Abraham Lincoln, who spent the better part of his presidency reflecting and honing his thoughts of the great and terrible Civil War until he had distilled them down to a succinct and eloquent master statement of national purpose, so, too, has Walla Coil dedicated the past two years to refining his own thinking until it has coalesced into what he is convinced is a devastating three-pronged reproof of evolutionary science.

Some of it is old, some it is new (when you reach that part, you’ll understand the picture above), but all of it is terrible. And now, without further ado, here it is.

dear god of evolution

:sorry for my english. i think that i have 3 interesting argument against evolution

the evolutionist always says that a watch need a designer because it cant self rplicat but organisem can self replicat and has dna so it can evolve. but according to this logic: if we will find a self replicat watch(with dna) we need to say that is made by itself .but we know that even a watch that self replicat itself is evidence for design

the second claim is that according to the evolution, a part of a feces(bacteria)can evolve into a princess(human). but we know that a feces+time=feces

the last argument is that according to the evolution a watch can evolve in a close room. because if we will close a giant room for a milions years the bacteria inside can evolve into a human that will make a watch=a watch evolve in a close room

what did you think? have a nice day

As before, nothing has been changed, other than the omission of lots of unnecessary space between the lines. The question I leave you with is what, if anything, should be my response?

Tyler Francke is founder of God of Evolution and author of Reoriented. He can be reached at tyler@godofevolution.com.

  • No, this is not the worst anti-evolution argument. Plantinga’s argument from the rationality of the human mind is far, far worse, and much less entertaining.

  • I think he’s got a point. Problem is that his thesis that humans can’t come from feces is demonstrably false.

    • Shoot. I really thought his argument was airtight for a second there…

      • It’s still pretty good. I mean, a self-replicating watch made of DNA? Makes you think.

    • Alan Christensen

      Just look at the Presidential candidates.

  • You know, I think I have hit my quota of crazy/stupid for my life. Between this and my co-worker talking about Nibiru, I am done – checking out.

    If you need me, I’m gonna hang out with Fry for the next 985 years.

    • Well, if we need you, we’ll know where to find you.

  • Alan Christensen

    You made this up, right?

    The distinction he’s missing between bacteria and feces is that the bacteria are alive and the feces isn’t. Neither is a watch. Life + sex + time + changes in the environment = evolution. I get that, and I was an English major.

    • Please, Alan. You greatly overestimate my imagination, creativity and capacity for invention.

      • Thought2Much

        Yes. In my experience, sometimes you just can’t make up this kind of thing.

        And that’s coming from a person who can appreciate a well-crafted Poe argument.

        • Yes, I’m afraid it says something about uber-conservative American evangelicalism that we have reached the point where certain branches have grown beyond the limits of Poe’s law.

  • apawstate

    Have you considered he may be a troll who thinks it’s funny to portray some Christians as incredibly stupid?

    • brengun

      This guy is for real. I recognize his bad English (admittedly hardly his fault), his bad spelling (his fault), and his bad arguments (partly his fault, but in all fairness, I think his parents should carry some of the load). He performs regular hit-and-run misinformation dumps on biologos blogs. And he’s the intellectual wing of the party.

      • He certainly gets points for creativity in my book.

        • brengun

          Yah, he’s as special as they come, but it stops being funny when you try to have an actual discussion with him. My forehead still has the brick wall imprint on it.

          • Well, yeah. I would definitely advise against talking to him if there are bricks anywhere in the vicinity.

    • I wish, but I seriously doubt it. Also, if that were his goal, it wouldn’t really make much sense to send such nonsense to someone like me.

  • Let’s try to come up with the worst anti-evolution argument ever.

    – My grandfather owned a spider monkey, and it never evolved into anything.

    – Pokemon is based off evolution, and last time I checked, was fictional.

    – “Evolution” is the root word for “revolution.” This is how we know it’s ultimately communist propaganda.

    – If God had meant for people to evolve, He would have made us with minute changes that enabled us to survive in diverse environments with little changes over millions of years.

    – I know a guy who taught evolution and was hit by a car.

    – I used to be a Grand Dragon Summoner in the Church of Satan, and we used evolution textbooks in our rituals.

  • summers-lad

    What should be your response? I would say none at all – just ignore it. Or you could say faeces + time = fertiliser.

    • I have to admit, the British spelling makes it seem like a much prettier word than the American one. And yeah, I was planning on ignoring it. But thanks for the input 🙂

  • Seth

    I admit to having trouble even parsing his logic…

  • Larry Bunce

    Someone like that would not understand any refutation of his logic.
    The feces/faeces topic reminded me of a farmer’s wife entertaining the women’s club president. The farmer came in to announce he had finished spreading horse manure on the field.
    The women’s club president said, “I wish you would get your husband to say ‘fertilizer’ instead of ‘manure.'”
    The wife said, “It has taken me ten years to get him to say ‘manure.'”

  • Lark62

    Ask him “If man was created from dirt, why is there still dirt?”