Friday Fun: Requiem for a brain, and The Natural Historian goes too far

Today is a good day. Not only is it Friday, but it marks the return of our Friday Fun series. Aren’t you lucky.

Half-baked Ham

But first, a bit of sad news.

ken-ham-starlight

As you may have heard, this past Wednesday was “Back to the Future” Day, commemorating the film series that tells the madcap story of the world’s worst Oedipus complex and his time paradox-defying adventures with an insane Alzheimer’s patient.

It promised to be a day of whimsy and lazier-than-usual mainstream news reporting, until tragedy struck.

Evidently, the excitement, coupled with the stress of his everyday responsibilities, proved too much for Ken Ham and his fragile grip on reality.

The above meme memorializes the loss of Hambone’s brain. Because, obviously, a brain that is functioning so poorly that it believes a problem for its worldview can be addressed by arguing it’s also a much less serious (and already solved) problem for the opposing view can’t really be said to be functioning at all.

Rest in peace, Ham’s brain. We hardly knew ye.

Also, stay tuned for a touching slideshow I’m developing.

michael scott gif

Too far

I’m usually a fan of Joel Duff and his blog, The Natural Historian. But he went too far this past week, when he targeted the Floating Forest.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, it is, well, a floating forest, approximately the size of Eurasia, which young-earth proponents posit once drifted peacefully around the Panthalassic Ocean prior to the great flood.

It is how young-earth spec fiction writers — ahem — I mean, scientists explain the trillions of tons of coal buried underground, which could have only been made from more trees than have ever been on Earth’s dry land at any one time.

I don’t think I’m overstating it when I say the Floating Forest is the single greatest, loveliest and most glorious idea to emerge out of the happy madness that is the working creation science community. It is perfect, a thing of beauty. Sublime.

See? That looks TOTALLY legit.

See? That looks TOTALLY legit.

Long-time and astute readers of this blog may or may not have picked up on the fact that I am casually opposed to the young-earth creationism movement.

But hear me on this: If the universe really is 6,000 years old, the only reason will be because of God’s plans to resurrect the Floating Forest on the new earth, that the faithful in heaven may send our bravest young men and women on quests to hunt the woolly fish mammoths and barter for magic items with the mysterious kingdom of amphibious merpeople who inhabit it.

Wait for us, sweet princess. We are coming.

Wait for us, sweet princess. We are coming.

Other stuff

Here’s one reason intelligent design makes it look like God had no idea what he was doing when he made people.

And here are 100 other reasons the earth is really, really old.

Have a wonderful and blessed weekend.

Tyler Francke is founder of God of Evolution and author of Reoriented. He can be reached at tyler@godofevolution.com.

  • The floating forest is pretty awesome. The only way it might be more awesome is if it floated in the air.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, it is, well, a floating forest, approximately the size of Eurasia, which young-earth proponents posit once drifted peacefully around the Panthalassic Ocean prior to the great flood.

    Perelandra?

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    But hear me on this: If the universe really is 6,000 years old, the only reason will be because of God’s plans to resurrect the Floating Forest on the new earth, that the faithful in heaven may send our bravest young men and women on quests to hunt the woolly fish mammoths and barter for magic items with the mysterious kingdom of amphibious merpeople who inhabit it.

    Or… SEA PONIES!
    (Shoo-be-doo, shoop-shoo-be-doo…)

  • ashleyhr

    The Floating Forest ONLY floats when there has not yet been a worldwide flood of the kind described in Genesis.

    • Well that makes sense right? If there’s one thing floating forests would be sensitive to it would obviously be water.

      • ashleyhr

        Surely it would carry on floating? If it existed. But the Bible implies that everything on Earth was submerged – except for the ark.

        I was being somewhat sarcastic yesterday.

  • Chris

    I’ve never heard of this “floating forest” thing before but if it is actually a theory they take seriously I have a new awe for the stup….endous imaginations these people have. Perfectly explains how a dove brought back a fully matured branch of a tree less than a year after they all supposedly died, though, if this forest landed on dry ground…

    • Well, probably not though, because the Floating Forest had to have been torn apart and sunk during the flood to account for the appearance of coal deposits in what they claim are rock layers laid down by the flood.

      … Actually, the Floating Forest had to have been torn apart into many different pieces, then the different pieces had to be repeatedly sunk and buried in exactly the same places, to account for the as many as several hundred distinct layers coal seams can have.

      So, yeah. Their imaginations make Tolkien look like an uncreative hack.

      • Chris

        I feel like they need to do a “this is what YEC’ers ACTUALLY believe” scene like when South Park did the Scientologists and the Mormons…