Answers in Genesis is prepping for its “Answers” “Mega Conference” and “Research” “Summit,” a four-day event scheduled for later this month in Sevierville, Tenn., that is billed as presenting the “latest” creationist “research.” AiG President Ken Ham blogged about the to-do earlier this week, while also plugging the “Answers Research Journal,” AiG’s “professional,” “peer-reviewed” “technical” “journal.”
In other news, the U.S. Department of Punctuation is warning of a sudden and severe shortage in the nation’s supply of scare quotes.
At first, I thought this had to be some kind of a hoax. I mean, how can creationists even do research? Their discipline is entirely apologetic in nature. In other words, if there were no evolutionary theory that these guys felt compelled to “refute,” there would be no creation science. This is why young-earth creationism proponents are losing their audience: They are fundamentally incapable of producing anything new. The sum of their work will always necessarily boil down to, “Well, the Bible still says this.”
At least, that was my thinking before I contacted AiG and requested an advanced listing of their conference agenda, which is reproduced below. Now, I see the error of my ways. As you’ll no doubt agree as you browse through the research topics and presenters, this conference is for real, encompassing the latest advances in not only biology, but also geology, astronomy and social science:
The real unforgivable sin: Textual analysis shows “blaspheming the Holy Spirit” in Mark 3:29 should actually be translated “believing in evolution” | by “author of numerous magazine and journal articles and several book chapters” Terry Mortenson
The effectiveness of scare tactics on Christian parents and their impressionable children | by child propaganda specialist Buddy Davis [Editor’s note: AiG contacted me back and informed me that this item, which is actually the theme of its annual staff retreat, was put on the conference agenda by mistake.]
A reappraisal of relative dating methods and other foundational principles of modern geology | by an electrical engineer
Modeling the panchromatic spectral energy distributions of galaxies; also, light used to travel millions of times faster than it does now | by son of convicted tax-dodger Kent Hovind, Eric Hovind
And, finally, for those of us who once claimed that creation scientists have never produced any useful new advancements, I’ve just learned that K-Ham and the crew will also be unveiling their latest incarnation of the top-secret Project Noah. No, it’s not the Ark Encounter. Project Noah is AiG’s ambitious doomsday device, a machine that will prove a global flood is possible once and for all, by making one happen! The machine works by punching a hole in the firmament to rain down all of the water that the Bible says is stored up there. Hey skeptics, it worked once, it can work again!
Admittedly, K-Ham has had some trouble with the device in the past. The first time he attempted to switch it on, in 1985, he accidentally just opened a massive tear in the ozone layer, and the second time, 10 years later, he was thwarted by the Avengers. But he’s pretty sure he’s got it right this time.
So, make sure you’re all supporting the Ark Encounter so you have some place to go when the rain starts falling. If you don’t live near Petersburg, remember there are ark replicas conveniently located all over the world.
See ya in Sevierville!
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